You can’t be depressed, you’re too happy.
I’m used to hearing these strange responses upon mentioning that I have struggled with depression. I’m never quite sure how to respond. I’m a pretty open book when it comes to my experience with depression. I often would then hear comments like:
But, you’re too friendly.
But, you’re so full of energy.
But, you look so happy.
Those statements were all true, but so was the depression. Some days it felt like I was wearing a 100lb weighted vest, layers of sunglasses, on an endlessly gloomy day. Everything was just so damn hard.
In my early 20’s I was wise enough to ask for help. I was quickly prescribed an anti-depressant without any mention of side effects, long term planning, or alternative lifestyle adjustments. Looking back I’m shocked that the doctor never asked:
“What’s the quality of your sleep?” I hardly ever slept and was constantly exhausted.
“Do you have an eating disorder?” Yes, A raging one.
With what we know now about the science of sleep and the gut brain connection it makes me so sad how many experiences I lost to depression. If only the doctor had asked the right questions.
I would spend years exhausted, hiding my eating disorder, and struggling to hold on to happiness. BUT, I am a crazy determined woman and a voracious learner. I never take no or good enough for an answer when I know there has to be more.
I did the things. I was willing to try it all.
Talk therapy, to address the disordered eating.
Mastering sleep, trying all the tools until I found what worked consistently for me.
Genetic testing, to reveal that I produce low levels of dopamine and need extremely high levels of omega-3s.
Finally, in my late 30s getting diagnosed with ADHD. Which connects all of these symptoms together.
So, do I still have depression? I like to say I lean towards depression. This is in no way a technical term, but for me it seems to fit perfectly. I have become an expert on me. Learning what are the things I have to do on a regular basis to keep my mood lifted.
get outside daily
move my body 30+ minutes a day
challenge myself
connect with real humans
supplements, personalized to me + high quality
prioritize sleep
limit alcohol
Sometimes it’s annoying and feels like a lot, but here’s the thing. Most days I feel so damn good. Regardless of what’s happens in life or the world around me I have energy, I feel joy, and I am able to have an amazing career and an amazing family life. My life is busy, crazy, and richly full. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I find it funny that this list is so simple, and it aligns so closely with my research around stress, resiliency, and avoiding burnout for humans.
I’m grateful for my experience with depression and the process of becoming an exert on me and taking charge of my life. It is the richness of the challenges that allow me to guide my own coaching clients through their individual challenges and integrate all the pieces of themselves without the guilt/ shame BS.
The more women I coach and speak too, the more I learn everyone has a story. Often full of their own unique challenges and heartbreak. When we show up with vulnerability with all our human-ness we give others the freedom to do the same.
Does depression still come to pay a visit to me? Of course, but the visits are brief and far between. I have a wide and deep toolbox that is personalized to me that allows me to move through it.
We are all human. Whether it is depression or anxiety or something with no name we are all doing the best we can. Smiles and work performance can be deceiving to what we “think” these things should look like.
Take care of your most valuable asset- YOU! You aren’t in this alone. You are worth investing in.
Connect with a therapist or coach to help guide your journey.
Never take no or a dismissal from a doctor as a final word when you know something is off.
Reach out to the people in your life because you just never know what someone is going through, despite how “happy” they look.
You are here to do great things. The more you become an expert on you the more you have to offer the world with joy, energy, and sometimes even with a little visit from depression.