Oh there you are!
Do you ever forget who you are? Do you get lost in family, the job, or the requests of others?
I was in a season of demand. From my business. From my children. From my family. From life. I lost myself. I always find it funny to re-learn how wise the body is. Even if I am unwilling to notice something it will manifest in my body. Sometimes it is zits. Sometimes it is multiple trips to the bathroom. Sometimes it is weight. This time it was weight. My pants were getting tight. Not in the good way.
Note: This is not about weight loss, what size you should be, or how much weight I gained. This is about caring for yourself. Nourishing and loving yourself. The weight was a sign that I had forgotten myself.
I had a photo shoot coming up for a project that I was dreading. Ugh. How can I promote my holistic health coaching business when I wasn’t the epitome of physical perfection? What I actually thought was a lot meaner and nastier, but for brevity we are going to leave it at that. I can be such a jerk to myself. Then I had that lightbulb moment. Go buy bigger pants! Go find something that makes you feel amazing. It was that quiet knowing that sent me masked up to the closest anthropologie.
I snagged a willing sales person. “Can I help you?” Oh yes you can. I grabbed everything that popped out and I told her I needed clothes for a photo shoot. Shockingly she said “How fun!” I thought she might say something like “You?! Who do you think you are? Aren’t you way too fat for that?” She didn’t. She smiled and said “How fun!”
I tried clothes on with wild abandon. When they didn’t button up or fit right over my boobs I either tossed them aside or unapologetically said loudly “I need a bigger size please.” I tried on bright clothes, tight clothes, and glamorous clothes. I played dress up and when I found the right dress I giggled out loud with delight. I proudly walked up to pay with renewed energy in my step.
I rocked the photo shoot. I allowed myself to delight in exactly where I am at. I played, I laughed, and I was silly. I am a fantastic holistic health coach because I have studied, trained, and lived it, not in fact because of my current weight. I felt beautiful, confident, playful, and oh like myself. I cried on the way home because I had forgotten that piece of myself.
You can’t always buy your way to happiness or self love, but sometimes it can help. I love to get dressed up, put some make up on, and rock a new look. It has nothing to do with anyone else. It is a piece of who I am. I had forgotten to remember and honor this side of myself.
Here is your permission to pause, buy some bigger pants, and step back into yourself. Look in the mirror and say “Oh there you are friend. I have missed you.” Right now. No change required.