The big lie
I love when women say to me “I don’t know why I am so tired?” or “I just can’t seem to get motivated to get… done” or “Everyone else seems to get everything done, why can’t I?” or “I am just so overwhelmed and all I did was clean up all day.”
This is the biggest crock of sh**! Why do we say these things to ourselves?
On a particularly difficult day when I was being a big jerk to myself and saying lovely things like “You are just so lazy, why can’t you get motivated?” & other gems like “You are so not enough and you are a terrible mother and partner. “This other mom always looks great and their life is so much easier/better.” Ever had those delightful conversations with yourself? It sounds great, but this story loop is a load of crap.
I had a brief moment of clarity and I decided to keep a time journal the following day and I was completely shocked at all the things my day included.
Yesterday I had a pretty overwhelming day. It just seemed to never slow down and I was constantly managing everyones’ emotions. I was being hard on myself for not fitting a workout in and making an actual dinner for myself. I am a bloody health coach. What kind of an example am I being? Who would ever want to work with me?! Then I remembered my trusty friend. The time log. Does this day look familiar to you?
5:00 alarm off- snooze too tired to get up so go back to bed, but first lay in bed wondering if it is better to go back to sleep or get up and work out, oh and I remember I have to get these 50 things done today
6:30 Get up - 15 minute pilates workout in pjs in bedroom
6:45 Help Lawson w/ homework, give Liv Milk, make Vida feel like she is “helping” - I have yet to brush my teeth or leave my bedroom
7:30 Get dressed
7:45 Breakfast
8:15 Lawson melts down because he has to unload the dishwasher ( this happens daily- both the meltdown and the unloading of the dishwasher)
8:30 drop off Lawson at discovery club, Vida cries bc she can’t come in
9:00 arrive at the wrong orthotics location, walk around downtown trying to hurry so we aren’t late as well as make it a game/fun/ learning opportunity for Vida while holding Liv
9:30 Liv measured for orthotics, person is wonderful and Liv is pissed off & scared, learn they cost $1400 and need to be replaced about every 10 months as she grows, insurance does not cover this until our high deductible is met, she needs new shoes to fit over orthotics
10:30 load up the girls in the car. Get off the elevator on the wrong floor 3x while we try to pay for parking
10:45 home. early lunch- change Liv
11:30 Play therapy, while waiting I look up shoes needed and can’t find her size
12:30 Vida screams the whole way home, Liv cries and is over tired
1:00 Liv changed & down for nap
1:15 Calm down Vida & giver her some one on one attention
1:30 Get Vida set up on ipad for distance learning
1:45 Contact chiro about supplements & options to support low muscle tone, because I refuse to believe there is nothing we can do to help Liv along
2:15 start pilates w/o from this am to finish
2:20 Live wakes up-milk/snuggle/diaper change
2:30 pack up the kids & out the door. Drop off Vida w/ Opa. She can’t come to PT because it makes her too upset to watch Liv cry & you aren’t supposed to have extra visitors
3:00 Liv Physical Therapy apt. where I crawl around the floor and make animal noises attempting to get her to interact with the PT - Liv is not thrilled
4:15 drop Liv off with Oma/ Opa- Give big kids a hug and run out the door
4:45 Pick up bag of salad & kombucha for me for dinner
5:00 Quick pick up of house
5:20 Power walk outside- feeling exhausted & overwhelmed from info from the day & all the emotions- I want to talk to Josh & process all I heard today
5:40 Eat bag of salad
6:00 log on for business meeting/ training - quick check emails & messages
7:30 quick leave meeting to give kids a good night hug
9:05 Meeting over & say “Hi” to Josh for the first time that day. Go over all the kids dr apts
9:45 Ready for bed
10:00 watch 15 min of something to wind down. I am super pissed from all the for profit insurance stuff & nothing being covered
10:30 off to bed
So here is the deal my sweet friend.
You are tired because you are working really hard. You are tired because this is hard. You have little people looking up at you at all times with big eyes checking in to make sure their world is ok. You are taking on everyone’s emotions and supporting so many people. You are motivated to nourish, love, and show up again and again for your family regardless of how many times they meltdown and scream at you.
Maybe keep a time log to see just how much you do in your day. It doesn’t have to be fancy or pinterest worthy. Just the back of a bill or another to-do list will work. Give yourself some bloody credit for all you do.
Most of us are doing our best and the to- do list will always be longer. Someone else’s life can always look easier or better. My sweet friend you are enough. You are doing the best that you can and it is enough. Give yourself the credit you deserve for all that you do and allow yourself some grace.