willpower- a waste of time
I hear from women all the time that they just don’t have willpower or they need more of it. I am going to do a light over view of how the brain works and why relying on willpower is a waste of time.
Willpower is related to the prefrontal cortex of the brain. This is a relatively new addition to the brain which means that is one of the first to go off line if you are stressed or tired. Anyone feeling a little stressed or tired lately?
Think of your willpower like a toddler. It is fantastic when well rested, full of snacks, and in a safe environment. Take any one of those three things away and then watch out. You wouldn’t ask a hot mess of a toddler to do high level thinking or say to them “you are lazy, stupid, and you should have some more willpower!” You don’t say that because you know that child’s brain is offline and higher level thinking is unavailable.
Willpower also requires a great deal of energy. Like your muscles you can hold on for a while and grit through, but then you eventually get tired.
Well now what? Do I just give up and give in?
Here are 3 things you can do to have a better relationship with willpower.
Sleep. Make sure you are well rested. This means that you have proper recovery from stress and that your brain is online.
Stress less. How can you reduce your stress level? When you are stressed you are in fight or flight mode and your body has a whole slew of hormonal reactions going on which takes your higher level thinking offline. Go outside and take a walk. Run up and down the stairs. Do 10 burpees throughout your day to keep your stress in check.
Meditate. Slow your breathing way down and bring attention to your breath and body. You can set a timer for 5 minutes, follow a guided body scan, or just walk without a phone attached to your body. This works in two ways.
-When you slow your breathing you allow your body to move out of fight or flight and into your rest and digest. This connects the pieces of your brain and allows you to think more logically. Example: I really want to stuff my face with cheesecake, but I am really just pissed off about that meeting that I just had and that my kid screamed at me over breakfast. Oh and I never ate breakfast and I truly am hungry.
Meditation allows you to practice being aware of body sensation and thoughts. You get a craving and you might have a burning sensation and sense of urgency, but those are just sensations. You might go into a whole story about how you had such a shitty day and you deserve it AND your partner was a real jerk so it is ok. With practice you can begin to see that sometimes thoughts are just thoughts and you don’t have to attach to all of them. You can notice and let them pass on by.
If you are interested in diving deeper into willpower you could read The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. or watch the this short video.